Child Abuse: They Said I Was Never Abused. I Was Loved

I felt time stopped for me the first time when I was in the 4th grade.

I was lying on my bed after returning from school.

I was asked by Papa to close the door as he came in.

He promised me to give me a Barbie doll, ‘the pink ones’.

I was busy unpacking the doll when I felt scary fingers down my innocent skirt. I did not know how much it would pain inside my thighs to get more such dolls. I looked at Mom’s photo hanging in the front wall and time stopped.

Numerous such afternoons passed by when I used to lie on the bed waiting for him to finish it soon but he had successfully convinced me that this is how I was to be loved and taken care of.

He even insisted that my Mom would have been so happy if she was here.

‘Mom….Are you really happy?’

I have had asked this question millions of time to myself. But it still went on and on.

In the 5th grade, one of my guy friend, took me to his place. I could not see anything. There was darkness.

Before I could say anything, his hands slid down my tunic and reached the place where it had hurt earlier.

I thought I was loved by him the way Papa loved me. That’s when time stopped for me the second time. It felt like I was inhaling the fresh pain of a familiar wound.

The same evening my brother was helping me to solve some algebra problems. I asked him suddenly,

‘You don’t love me?’

He laughed and said, ‘Of course I love you, what happened?’

Without answering him, I raised my skirt and placed his hand on my thighs and said;

‘No, you don’t love me as Papa and Kartik does’.

His eyes turned red. My brother grabbed and covered me and took me to his arm. For the first time, I felt like home. That day time stopped and never started again. Now, I am 20. And I have left whenever men said they love me.

Child abuse is one of the most damaging types of abuse of a child that includes physical, sexual, emotional and negligence abuse.

PHYSICAL ABUSE

This happens when a child is hurt or injured by hitting, shaking, smothering, burning, throwing etc.

SEXUAL ABUSE

When a person tries to involve a child in sexual activity by imposing his/her authority.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Often happens when a child is exposed to bullying, criticism, isolation by locking them in a room or family violence. This affects the behavior and psychology of the child and hinders emotional development.

NEGLIGENCE

When a child is not given the basic amenities including healthcare, food, housing, personal hygiene which drastically affects their health and development.

Children are often easy targets as they are unable to defend themselves when they are tortured by their parents. Many time children are abused by their parents. Many parents are frustrated because of real-life problems after having a bad day in the office or having a fight with a colleague.

They feel they could have been free birds had they have no kids. Some parents feel that abuse is the only way to establish total control over the kids.
Some parents will abuse children by turning a blind eye on their failures in life.

Parents may not be matured enough concerning important decisions in life like when they are going to have a kid.

Such abuses always affect the child for the rest of his or her life.
But the situation is worst when they are abused by their close ones.
It can cause long-term effects like post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, low self-esteem etc.

Victims do not receive proper counselling and treatments and they further go on to victimize others later in their life.

I remember we were taught in our lower grade to put bandage when we get a cut or a wound or how to look at both sides of a road before crossing it but they never taught what a good and bad touch meant.

The schools should start teaching children about their body parts more openly.
A child should be taught terms like vagina and penis rather than referring it as the ‘bottom’.
They should know why some parts are private and are not meant for everyone to see it.

The effect given by American Psychologist Edward Thorndike is the most efficient way to train children. He states,

‘If a behavior is followed by a reward, the frequency of the behavior increases. However, if the same behavior is followed by punishment, the behavior is less likely to occur.’

Here, the punishment here does not mean beating, hurting a child. If you want to punish a child, take away his favorite teddy or toy for a week, or don’t serve him his favorite food for some days.

Lastly, when you suppress your emotions and bury it, it only corrodes you from within.

Speak the truth!

Let your voice be heard!

Ankita Behera

Ankita Behera is an undergraduate in a bachelor of technology. An amateur writer and a keen nature lover who loves traveling. When asked about life, she says that she is trying to manipulate the truths & realities of her life and weave meaningful stories out of them.