Arranged Marriage: How The Indians Have Hacked The Concept Of Marriage?

When the world will be on the brink of extinction near the end of 2020. The last one of us being added in the annihilation ritual of our beloved little planet, there will still be that one aunty, who would be asking around for a suitable boy for her down-to-earth, conservative, 5”4, fair and healthy girl who is alright with the ‘Working from Home’ concept.

The most daring of things that evolution has ever done is that it created Indians, the overpopulated brown population of around 1.4 billion who inhabit the densely packed Indian peninsula.

And our only token to get free sex is to get married and the proper term to be very clear with you all is ARRANGE MARRIAGE.

The word itself sounds like some formal meeting of two ‘Supposed to be virgins’ young people, who promise each other to be there for each other goof-ups and fuck-ups in exchange for sex and two or three children and some love (that is obvious).

Indians are generally considered as shy and sweet people but almost every family wants a ‘Son’, to carry on the royal lineage of their chromosomes. I don’t know why but their extensive network of wealth and the prosperous kingdom have to be inherited by a prince.

The obsessive desire of a son can be traced back to thousands of years of stupidity and abnormality.

Though it’s common to kill a girl child prematurely because of the misconception of wealth drainage by a girl, as she will get married off to her in-laws and will serve them. Only a son will take care of them when they grow old.

In short, most Indians love to see a penis when a child is born, which is a necessary one, as if the muscular appendage will give directions to a bright future later in life.

I still cannot figure out its divine function but it is a must to carry on their royal heritage.

And to reproduce anything, the act of engaging in consensual ‘Sex’ is important. It is so disgusting to say the word ‘Sex’ that if you say it aloud in a room where a family of 6 brothers, 13 sisters and 64 relatives are present then they might ogle you to death.

So, to pay for the thing that we are born for, to have sex, we Indians have come up with the most interesting of the solution, the ‘Arrange Marriage’, where we spend millions of cash on people, to whom we will not be seeing in some billions of years to come. Their whole purpose is to act as a judge of the food and to criticize our ability to spend money on them.

Sex is considered a ritual that should be done after marriage rather than an absolute biological need. Like we justify the rape of a prostitute but protest if a decent girl gets the curse.

We justify marital rape as if the husband has been given permission to vent out his urges anytime he wants just because he married her. So, to be married in India means you have a subscription for free coitus throughout your life.

Conclusion

Marriage is a mutual decision and to get married to someone is a commitment that should be respected by both the partners. But the tradition of marrying has always been a decision that is being taken by everybody except the people who are getting married.

Choose you partners by yourself and decide that whether that person is worth the risk or not. If not then move on.

Akash Rout

Akash Rout is a jolly old fella who writes non-fiction as well as fiction. He is known for his rebellious yet subtle form of satires and humor. An aspiring stand-up comic with a science background. So, give him a break, will you!