Aaj Jaane Ki Zidd Na Karo

The minute I heard my first love story,

I was looking for you,

not knowing how blind that was.

Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.

They are in each other all along.

                                           ~ Rumi

You apply the third layer of your lipstick on those blushy pink lips.

At the same time, I play ‘Aaj Jane Ki Jidd Na Karo‘ on my laptop, and soon Farida Khanum illuminates the ambiance of the room. You turn around, and your perfectly kohled eyes glint at the thought of the upcoming date.

Leenesh, that’s his name right, you met him on Tinder, swiped right, and your frequent calls and messages led to this date. Your fingers form a fist every few minutes, you do that when you are nervous. You check yourself for the last time and walk to me, and ask,

‘Tell me, how do I look Shiv?’

‘Perfect’ I replied with a heavy heart.

The song plays, ‘Tum hi Socho Zara Kyun Na Roken Tumhe‘.

‘Paro, are you sure you want to do this ?’

You adjust your heels while you sit beside me.

When you are done, you hug me tight and say, ‘Never so sure before.’ You leave.

Farida Khanum repeats ‘Jaan Jaati Hai Jab Uthke Jaate Ho Tum‘ twice.

Still, even for once, I couldn’t tell you how it broke me apart to watch you walk away for a person you barely knew.

And I sit here with a sack full of regrets of never confessing my love and wonder why it took so much of courage to open your heart in front of your best friend, who chooses to tell you every minute details of her life, who knocks at your door before every date just to make sure that she is at her best, who has your number on speed dial because she knows you are the only one who would pick up her even when she is drunk, riding for two hours just to make sure she is alright.

You read me like an open book but fortunately or unfortunately you never read between the lines.

You could never sense my love in those silent sobs or loud laughs.

May be confessing my feelings isn’t the hardest part, losing you is.

‘Umra Bhar Na Taraste Raho‘ plays in the background like the whole universe is advising me to take that one step I have been dreading from but what if my life has meaning in the longing, the ache for your love and acceptance.

Even I don’t want to wait years to hold you in arms and tell you how you mean the whole world to me, but I can’t lose my Paro in a quest to fulfill my love.

Because some love stories are complete in their incompleteness.

But I wish, I really do, we find each other on the same path.

Maybe someday Paro, I will finally muster up all the courage, look into your eyes and say,

‘Yun Hi Pehloo Me Bethe Raho, Aaj Jaane ki Zidd Na Karo’.

Tejaswini Jena

Tejaswini is an aspiring writer who wants her readers to delve into her stories and enjoy reading them, because that satisfies her, a little more than Chicken Biriyani.